During this season, I’ve noticed an extensive number of women coming forth in confession of marital distress. They feel disparity within their households – wives won’t talk and husbands won’t listen, and in the midst of it all the children are all over the place. In order to find a starting point to resolve the issue, I think it’s important to understand the Lord’s design for family and marriage.
Corinthians 14:33 “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace–as in all the congregations of the Lord’s people.”
First, know that our God is a God of order. For instance, in looking at the church as an example, we see that in the order of the Lord the congregation was not created to lead the pastors, but the pastors to lead their congregation. If pastors do not follow this godly order, neither will the congregation follow. As a whole, a congregation is only as healthy as its pastorship. If the pastorship isn’t aligned with the will of the Lord in all its ways, it will significantly hinder the growth capacity of its congregation.
Pastors must be able to lead, not only through words but action as well – and LOVE is ACTION. If there’s an imbalance in pastoral leadership or direction, the foundation weakens, and the vision, mission, and future ministries suffer. And so it is with marriage and family, which are both your first and future ministries.
To paraphrase, in Ephesians 5 we are given the order for “husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her; Wives submit to your husbands as you do the Lord”.
There’s a difference between knowing the Lord and having an intimate relationship with Him. We won’t grow as we should if we don’t intentionally make the time to be alone with God and give Him the secret places within our hearts. The same is true in marriage. Distractions and exhaustion are a tool of the enemy to destroy your intimacy with the Lord, as well as destroy the intimacy within your marriage.
“Let no one and nothing separate what God has joined together.” Mark 10:9
In marriage, the Lord must always be the first strand of the 3-fold cord. He must be the center of this relationship as He is what joins you as one. God is your Provider, Protector and Deliverer. He can provide for your financial needs, He will protect your children, and He’ll restore the intimacy within your marriage. But God must be made the center of your marriage and family life.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a three-fold cord is not easily broken.”
Pray and ask the Lord to speak for you and through you, then speak with your husband about these things. No pointing fingers, no past mistakes. Discuss only the Lord and the need for His direction within your lives. Whether or not your spouse agrees the first time, do not grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9). Continue in prayer and trust in the Lord to work on your behalf. Pray for visions and dreams of the Lord’s will, and follow through.
Be the image of Christ in your household. Let your words be gracious and seasoned with salt that you may know how to answer one another (Colossians 4:6). Share the verse of the day every morning. Pray together before you start your day. Pray before dinner, and before going to bed. Praying together is an intimate act of worship to the Lord (Psalm 95:6), and the Lord will honor this within your marriage. God bless you and yours!
Prayer: Lord, we come to you in one mind and one accord with Your Holy Spirit. We thank You that You are the first strand in the 3-fold cord of our marriage. We ask that You would help us to acknowledge You as the center of it all. Help us to keep you on the forefront of our minds, and within our hearts. We ask that You would open our ears to Your voice, and no other. We ask that You would open our eyes to see from a spiritual perspective, and reject what’s carnal. Father God, we pray for Your guidance and righteous wisdom as we restructure our household into godly order. We pray for peace and comfort within our hearts during this spiritual transition. Lord, we ask that You would lead and protect our marriage and family. Help us to trust in You and surrender all into Your loving hands. We bind and rebuke anything that tries to come against us in any way. Thank You Father God. In Jesus’ mighty and precious name we pray, Amen.
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